SPECIAL THOUGHTS FOR BRENDA TWIN TO LINDA TODAY - APRIL 9.

        Today is the third anniversary of the death of Linda twin to Brenda. I know what a day like this means. Those of us who have lost a twin can fully understand.  Nevertheless we try our best to deal with it as time passes. I wish Brenda a peaceful day as she goes to Muskogee and enjoy the flowers blooming in Honor Heights Park. I find peace amidst nature. Over the years Janine and I liked flowers with roses being our favourites.
       I linked up with Brenda on the Twin Loss Yahoo group and she has been such a good friend sending me uplifting emails regularly and a wonderful book titled 'HEALING GRIEF' by James Van Praagh.  It is amazing how at times we have not met someone personally but he/she has been really genuine and helpful during challenging times.  As I think of having peace of mind I share this poem that I wrote titled 'PEACE OF MIND.'




PEACE OF MIND
BY JUDY HAUGHTON-JAMES


In our lives we come across moments of stress,
We often wonder how we will put our minds to rest.
In everything try your very best,
Make sure you are not the cause of any distress.


Let no one disturb your peace of mind,
Endeavour at all times to be kind.
Relax your mind and unwind,
You have to be strong in this time.


See setbacks as lessons to be learnt,
You will meet them as long as you are on earth.
Life is filled with challenges to overcome,
Have faith and your journey has begun.


I regard each day as a gift,
Always trusting in God to give me that lift.
I look forward to a brighter day,
And live in hope all the way.

TWIN BROTHERS DIE AT 92

BY JUDY HAUGHTON-JAMES


      I have just read an amazing report shared by another twinless twin Angela from Germany. It was about 92 year old twin brothers from Brazil who died a few hours apart.  They have always been together and one had to go to a hospital far away. He died there and a few hours later his twin also passed away.  I think it would have been very difficult if one of them was left.
       This story brought to mind the times when Janine and I would discuss what would happen if one of us died first. We thought it would be great if we both died at the same time or I would say that I wanted to die first and vice versa.
      Since Janine's death, I have heard of the case of twins dying at the same time and it was always under rather tragic circumstances such as an accident, fire etc. Recently in my homeland, Jamaica, there was the sad case of young twin girls dying in a fire. That made me realize that this isn't the best thing to think.
      I give God thanks for the almost 47 years Janine and I were together. We did not die at the same time but at least I know the day will come when we meet again. Two years ago I never thought I could write a poem but tried the one below shortly after Janine's death.
                 JUD AND JAN
Jud and Jan from one came into the world as twins,
What a wonderful 47 years it has been,
We will never allow our twinship to dim.
We give glory to God who gave each of us a special friend,
One guaranteed right to the very end.


Together again we will unite,
Oh, that day will be bright.
Wow! What a wonderful sight!
Jud and Jan that is God's plan,
Greater than any coined by man!


     As I copy this poem from my journal  I realize that then I was still saying "WE!"

THE IMPACT OF RAIN

We have been getting quite a bit of rain recently and it brings to mind the impact of rain shortly after my twin sister's death. Here I share a poem that I wrote during that time.




RAIN
BY JUDY HAUGHTON-JAMES


There is something about rain,
I just can't explain.
Makes me feel calm,
It is like a balm.


I don't like being out in the rain,
I prefer to watch it fall on my window-pane.
I also like to hear the pitter patter
Water everywhere making a splatter.


I wish it could drown my sorrow,
And make me see a brighter tomorrow.
I am longing to see a rainbow
When colours in the sky put on a show.

TWIN BOYS CONVERSATION

BY JUDY HAUGHTON-JAMES

Last night I watched the very funny TWIN BOYS CONVERSATION video that has become  a sensation on the internet. I was really fascinated by it.  I can remember how at times Janine and I used to utter statements in unison or even finish each other's sentences. Equally amazing was the fact that sometimes I would rush to tell her something and she was about to say the same thing to me.  Twins have a very special bond that started in the womb. Dr. Raymond William Brandt in his book 'TWIN LOSS' referred to it as utero bonding. Right now I am thinking about something that happened last night. I was getting off of my bed and I said "I am going across to the bathroom."  I wondered how I made this statement as if I was saying this to Janine. The twin bond lives on even after death. As the statement goes " Once a twin, always a twin."

A SPECIAL TRIBUTE ALBUM

I WROTE THIS POEM ABOUT THE SPECIAL TRIBUTE PHOTO ALBUM FOR MY TWIN SISTER JANINE




I go anxiously in search of books,
And can't think where next to look.
Then suddenly my eyes venture high,
To some grips and I let off a sigh!


Nevertheless I decided to search each grip,
And muttered to myself "Suppose one slips,"
With help I manage to get each to the ground,
And sensed relief as each landed sound.


So many things brought back wonderful memories,
But something special made me feel butterflies.
A beautiful small floral photo album was intact,
It looked so new I could not believe the fact.


I had forgotten it as I received it many years ago,
Now packaged in a plastic bag it seemed to glow.
Ah! Immediately the purpose for this I knew,
Despite not finding my books I did not feel blue.


I have no doubt that my departed twin led me to this treasure.
The real power of utero bonding is beyond measure.
This album now boasts several pictures of my departed twin,
As I view each page like a river happy times flow within.


A pink album beautifully decorated by cream lace,
Among my many albums takes pride of place.
Graced with a lovely flower,ribbon and circle of pearls,
Oh, how this album to me now means the world.

LOOKING BACK AT MORE HAPPY MOMENTS

After attending my aunt's funeral yesterday I have been feeling a bit down today as it brought back some sad memories of my twin's death and funeral.  Strangely enough I thought I was stronger at my twin's funeral. I think the whole shock of it made it seem so unreal then. Anyway I am going to look back at some more happy moments now!

THE FIRST FUNERAL AFTER MY TWIN'S BURIAL

BY JUDY HAUGHTON-JAMES


Today wasn't the easiest of days as it was the first funeral I was attending since my twin's burial. It certainly brought back some sad memories. Anyway I am glad that I managed to pay my last respects to my Aunt Prilly.  The young priest Rev. Monique Campbell  delivered a very uplifting Homily. As she said "Death is not an ending, it is a new beginning." She elaborated on this and it was certainly words of comfort for those of us who have lost loved ones.  My cousin-in-law Vince Henry delivered a beautiful rendition of Josh Groban's song 'You Raise Me Up.' I also saw many relatives whom I had not seen in a long while and even met some new ones! I wish we could all meet on a happy occasion.

A LOOK BACK AT SOME HAPPY MOMENTS!

RELEASE ME

BY JUDY HAUGHTON-JAMES


There are days when this is exactly  how a twinless twin feels. I wrote this on a day when I was in deep reflection.


 At times there is this inner turmoil,
Struggling against it is heavy toil.
However it is destructive to internalize pain,
As there is really nothing to gain.


Oh, I definitely need to be bold,
I have been successful at times if the truth be told.
I want to find true peace and be stress free,
I know I can achieve this as I look to Thee.


That day I will truly welcome,
Then at last I will shout "I have overcome!''
Release me! Oh, Release me!
I need peace, perfect peace!

A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATERS

BY JUDY HAUGTHON-JAMES


In this article I give an in-depth look at how the internet has helped me since the death of my twin sister.


"Praise the bridge that carried you over." - George Colman


      My fantasy world came crashing down as my bubble burst on October 16, 2008.  This was the day that my identical twin sister Janine passed away after a short battle with stomach cancer.  The shock to my system was great as I had no idea that she had this disease. It was a time when I had to grapple with the feeling of being so alone.  As one of twins I was lulled into a false sense of security that I was guaranteed company for the rest of my life.


     Waking every day to face a mirror and see the exact image of my departed twin or to speak and hear my voice that sounded exactly like hers was sheer torture.  Seeing her pictures or handwriting also had a depressing effect.  Only someone born one of twins can fathom what I was really experiencing.


     As a Christian I had no doubt that I was facing my biggest test ever.  Immediately I went into battle by reading the Bible, religious books and other literature that I was sure would help me face the dark days ahead. I prayed and asked God to show me every possible way to cross over these troubled waters.


     After four long gloomy months I got connected to the internet.  As a country girl living in a deep rural area on the tropical island of Jamaica I saw a whole new world open right in front of my eyes.  At first this was my quick access to friends and relatives.  As a matter of fact I was now in touch with persons whom I had not had contact with for many years.  It immediately started chiseling away at the feeling of being alone that is not easily uprooted from the mind of a twinless twin.


      Letters that would take more than a week to come from foreign lands were now replaced with the quick and immediate email.  My friends, relatives and pen-pals helped to lift my spirit not only with personal emails but other emails carrying prayers and positive and inspirational messages.


       I was also awed by the amazing experience of being able to chat with persons via instant messages. I can still recall how fascinated I was as I had my first chat with one of my twin sister's former pen-pals.  Here I was in Jamaica chatting with someone all the way in Italy.


      I heard about social network sites and cautiously pondered whether to join any.  Some of my relatives and friends never cared for such sites as they felt that they compromised one's privacy. Neverthless I took the plunge and joined Facebook.  I regard this as one of the best decisions that I have ever made.  On a daily basis I am in touch with so many persons.  They constantly write posts that carry Bible verses, prayers and a wide range of positive messages. These messages have come at times when I felt as if I was locked in a dark room not knowing where to turn. Suddenly it is was if a light came on and brightened up the room.


      For over 1 year I went through the twinless twin journey wondering if I would ever make contact with other twinless twins.  I rarely came across twins so I thought  communicating with twinless twins was expecting too much. It was therefore a wonderful surprise when I was contacted by the Twin Loss Yahoo Group.  At last I was able to share my experiences with other twinless twins and read their experiences.  It was such a relief to find out that I was not strange or crazy, it was just a part of the rough road travelled by a twinless twin. A member of the group ends every post with these words:
    "May the Light of God surround you
     May the Love of God enfold you
     May the Power of God protect you
     May the Presence of God watch over you."


     When you are in my situation you abhor every moment of inactivity as it makes you drift into an abyss of despair.  Sadness engulfs you like a red hot raging fire that consumes a building. The internet with its access to E-books, newsletters, magazines and websites flooded me with so much material that occupied many hours throughout each day.


      My career as a Freelance writer also got an added boost as I went through the therapeutic process of pouring out my thoughts and emotions in articles and poems.  There are so many angles to becoming a twinless twin that I have been able to thoroughly analyze.


     Today I can  give thanks for God's assistance all the way with special thanks to Him for leading me on this bridge called the internet.  It has helped me through the most difficult period of my 49 years on this planet.  I have found an inner strength which I did not know that I possessed.  As 1 Chronicles 28:20 tells us "Be strong and of good courage and act.  Do not be afraid or dismayed; for the Lord God, my God, is with you."