BY JUDY HAUGHTON-JAMES
On Thursday, October 16, 2008, I seemed to have fallen into a deep dark hole. This was the day when my identical twin sister Janine died after a short battle with cancer. I felt lost, confused and hopeless. Fear and doubt overcame me and several times I asked myself "Has this really happened?" Sleepless nights prevented me from getting a break from the bullet speed questions which shot at me with each passing moment.
I turned to my Christian faith and received immense support from relatives and friends. One day while having a phone conversation with my cousin Lorna in New York she informed me that some literature on Twin Loss was on the way to Jamaica for me.
I waited anxiously for it to arrive. I can still remember the day when my brother brought home the parcel. I grabbed a pair of scissors and tore at the outer layers as a child would open a Christmas gift. A book titled 'Twin Loss' by Dr. Raymond William Brandt quickly caught my eye. Immediately I started reading and was surprised to find out that he had also lost an identical twin.
My head was literally buried in the book. I have never read a book so quickly. It helped me to understand that I was not crazy following the death of my twin but was in fact experiencing what other twinless twins went through. His comprehensive coverage of a variety of issues and advice were a godsend. This information could only come from a twinless twin.
A light started flickering and I began my climb out of the deep dark hole. However the light got brighter as Dr. Brandt suggested that as part of the healing process the twinless twin should start journaling. My twin and I were Freelance Writers and we wrote many articles together. For several months I felt my career was over and saw sheets of blank paper in front of me without having the energy to take up a pen. I took his advice and started writing again. I got an exercise book and in a short time it was full of material on a wide range of subjects which could be summed up with the heading 'WITH TWIN TO TWINLESS.'
At first I did not consider his suggestion that I should also write poems. Over the years I admired the works of several poets but as for writing poetry this was not in my league. Suddenly I decided to give it a try and one of the first poems I wrote was titled 'BEING TWINS.' I shared it with some friends and relatives and they said I should try and have it published as it was good and perfectly described my life with Janine.
I kept my essays and poems for awhile and as my state of mind got better I decided to start submitting work to publications. I have had a number of acceptances and feel worthwhile as I have been able to share them with others who are also having to cope with the stress of grief.
Two years later I am happy that I have not only been able to write about the sad times following my loss but also the good times being one of identical twins. I am particularly pleased with an article titled 'TREASURED TWINSHIP MEMORIES' which was published in the Summer 2010 Digital Online Edition of the American publication TWINS Magazine. It recounts the wonderful times I had for almost 47 years and encourages parents of twins to ensure that their twins enjoy their twinship so they too can have precious memories.
I have definitely been through the darkest moment of my life but a light is now shining and I have found inner strength which I never thought I had. Thanks to the writing of Dr. Raymond Brandt I have not only emerged with important material to deal with my twinless state but my writing career has risen from what appeared to be ashes. Most instructive is the fact that out of this adversity I can now pursue another genre of writing, that of writing poetry. Now I am a living example of this adversity quotation: - " It is through adversity that we become stronger, find new ways to achieve and come to know that through perseverance in the face of challenge we can accomplish anything."
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Last week Friday I joined Savvy 24 Seven which is a Social Network for Professionals. I thank Crystal Watts for inviting me to the group. My first post there was this article. I decided to share it here as it reveals a part of my experience since becoming a twinless twin.
On Thursday, October 16, 2008, I seemed to have fallen into a deep dark hole. This was the day when my identical twin sister Janine died after a short battle with cancer. I felt lost, confused and hopeless. Fear and doubt overcame me and several times I asked myself "Has this really happened?" Sleepless nights prevented me from getting a break from the bullet speed questions which shot at me with each passing moment.
I turned to my Christian faith and received immense support from relatives and friends. One day while having a phone conversation with my cousin Lorna in New York she informed me that some literature on Twin Loss was on the way to Jamaica for me.
I waited anxiously for it to arrive. I can still remember the day when my brother brought home the parcel. I grabbed a pair of scissors and tore at the outer layers as a child would open a Christmas gift. A book titled 'Twin Loss' by Dr. Raymond William Brandt quickly caught my eye. Immediately I started reading and was surprised to find out that he had also lost an identical twin.
My head was literally buried in the book. I have never read a book so quickly. It helped me to understand that I was not crazy following the death of my twin but was in fact experiencing what other twinless twins went through. His comprehensive coverage of a variety of issues and advice were a godsend. This information could only come from a twinless twin.
A light started flickering and I began my climb out of the deep dark hole. However the light got brighter as Dr. Brandt suggested that as part of the healing process the twinless twin should start journaling. My twin and I were Freelance Writers and we wrote many articles together. For several months I felt my career was over and saw sheets of blank paper in front of me without having the energy to take up a pen. I took his advice and started writing again. I got an exercise book and in a short time it was full of material on a wide range of subjects which could be summed up with the heading 'WITH TWIN TO TWINLESS.'
At first I did not consider his suggestion that I should also write poems. Over the years I admired the works of several poets but as for writing poetry this was not in my league. Suddenly I decided to give it a try and one of the first poems I wrote was titled 'BEING TWINS.' I shared it with some friends and relatives and they said I should try and have it published as it was good and perfectly described my life with Janine.
I kept my essays and poems for awhile and as my state of mind got better I decided to start submitting work to publications. I have had a number of acceptances and feel worthwhile as I have been able to share them with others who are also having to cope with the stress of grief.
Two years later I am happy that I have not only been able to write about the sad times following my loss but also the good times being one of identical twins. I am particularly pleased with an article titled 'TREASURED TWINSHIP MEMORIES' which was published in the Summer 2010 Digital Online Edition of the American publication TWINS Magazine. It recounts the wonderful times I had for almost 47 years and encourages parents of twins to ensure that their twins enjoy their twinship so they too can have precious memories.
I have definitely been through the darkest moment of my life but a light is now shining and I have found inner strength which I never thought I had. Thanks to the writing of Dr. Raymond Brandt I have not only emerged with important material to deal with my twinless state but my writing career has risen from what appeared to be ashes. Most instructive is the fact that out of this adversity I can now pursue another genre of writing, that of writing poetry. Now I am a living example of this adversity quotation: - " It is through adversity that we become stronger, find new ways to achieve and come to know that through perseverance in the face of challenge we can accomplish anything."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last week Friday I joined Savvy 24 Seven which is a Social Network for Professionals. I thank Crystal Watts for inviting me to the group. My first post there was this article. I decided to share it here as it reveals a part of my experience since becoming a twinless twin.
