BY JUDY HAUGTHON-JAMES
In this article I give an in-depth look at how the internet has helped me since the death of my twin sister.
"Praise the bridge that carried you over." - George Colman
My fantasy world came crashing down as my bubble burst on October 16, 2008. This was the day that my identical twin sister Janine passed away after a short battle with stomach cancer. The shock to my system was great as I had no idea that she had this disease. It was a time when I had to grapple with the feeling of being so alone. As one of twins I was lulled into a false sense of security that I was guaranteed company for the rest of my life.
Waking every day to face a mirror and see the exact image of my departed twin or to speak and hear my voice that sounded exactly like hers was sheer torture. Seeing her pictures or handwriting also had a depressing effect. Only someone born one of twins can fathom what I was really experiencing.
As a Christian I had no doubt that I was facing my biggest test ever. Immediately I went into battle by reading the Bible, religious books and other literature that I was sure would help me face the dark days ahead. I prayed and asked God to show me every possible way to cross over these troubled waters.
After four long gloomy months I got connected to the internet. As a country girl living in a deep rural area on the tropical island of Jamaica I saw a whole new world open right in front of my eyes. At first this was my quick access to friends and relatives. As a matter of fact I was now in touch with persons whom I had not had contact with for many years. It immediately started chiseling away at the feeling of being alone that is not easily uprooted from the mind of a twinless twin.
Letters that would take more than a week to come from foreign lands were now replaced with the quick and immediate email. My friends, relatives and pen-pals helped to lift my spirit not only with personal emails but other emails carrying prayers and positive and inspirational messages.
I was also awed by the amazing experience of being able to chat with persons via instant messages. I can still recall how fascinated I was as I had my first chat with one of my twin sister's former pen-pals. Here I was in Jamaica chatting with someone all the way in Italy.
I heard about social network sites and cautiously pondered whether to join any. Some of my relatives and friends never cared for such sites as they felt that they compromised one's privacy. Neverthless I took the plunge and joined Facebook. I regard this as one of the best decisions that I have ever made. On a daily basis I am in touch with so many persons. They constantly write posts that carry Bible verses, prayers and a wide range of positive messages. These messages have come at times when I felt as if I was locked in a dark room not knowing where to turn. Suddenly it is was if a light came on and brightened up the room.
For over 1 year I went through the twinless twin journey wondering if I would ever make contact with other twinless twins. I rarely came across twins so I thought communicating with twinless twins was expecting too much. It was therefore a wonderful surprise when I was contacted by the Twin Loss Yahoo Group. At last I was able to share my experiences with other twinless twins and read their experiences. It was such a relief to find out that I was not strange or crazy, it was just a part of the rough road travelled by a twinless twin. A member of the group ends every post with these words:
"May the Light of God surround you
May the Love of God enfold you
May the Power of God protect you
May the Presence of God watch over you."
When you are in my situation you abhor every moment of inactivity as it makes you drift into an abyss of despair. Sadness engulfs you like a red hot raging fire that consumes a building. The internet with its access to E-books, newsletters, magazines and websites flooded me with so much material that occupied many hours throughout each day.
My career as a Freelance writer also got an added boost as I went through the therapeutic process of pouring out my thoughts and emotions in articles and poems. There are so many angles to becoming a twinless twin that I have been able to thoroughly analyze.
Today I can give thanks for God's assistance all the way with special thanks to Him for leading me on this bridge called the internet. It has helped me through the most difficult period of my 49 years on this planet. I have found an inner strength which I did not know that I possessed. As 1 Chronicles 28:20 tells us "Be strong and of good courage and act. Do not be afraid or dismayed; for the Lord God, my God, is with you."
