OUR INTEREST IN SPORTS

BY JUDY HAUGHTON-JAMES
        
        This month I will interview a former coach of one of my high schools for the school's website. This has made me reflect on the interest that Janine and I had in sports over the years.  While we showed some interest during our younger years I would not say that when we got dressed in our blue uniforms we enthusiastically rushed to Physical Education classes. Nevertheless we had fun as we attempted to play netball, softball and volleyball. Note carefully the word attempted! 



        At our first high school, Marymount High, Sports Day was a big moment when we would all dress up in the colours of our Houses and cheer and sing songs. That was the day when students had help in telling the difference between us. I used red ribbons in my hair to show that I was a Josephite while Janine had brown ribbons showing her support for the Franciscan House.


        As time progressed our interest in a variety of sports increased. However it was the comprehensive course that we pursued with the London School of Journalism that really got us showing  more interest in games like cricket and football. When it was time to study Sports Journalism we faced it with some amount of apprehension but we boldly forged ahead determined to succeed.


        Talk about bravery! We decided to write a ball by ball commentary on cricket. Now that was really something!  Normally we would turn off any radio station covering cricket and complained when we wanted to hear our favourite music programmes. At that time we did not have many radio stations in Jamaica so the choice was rather limited. 


      We wanted to do well so we started listening keenly to cricket coverage. Our interest peaked as this was the heyday of West Indies cricket with players like Michael Holding, Colin Croft, Joel Garner, Malcolm Marshall, Andy Roberts, Viv Richards, Clive Lloyd and many more. Having gotten a gist of the coverage we each sat down and wrote our own assignments. It wasn't that difficult after all and our tutors commended us.


      Slowly but surely our interest in this game increased and we actually became big fans especially of the shorter versions - 50 overs and Twenty Twenty matches. With each 4 or 6 hit by a West Indian batsman we cheered and oh what a sight it was when one of our fast bowlers knocked back the stumps of an opponent. If the wickets came in quick succession the excitement reached fever pitch!  Watching a game live on television or listening to it on the radio was good so I must express thanks to Tony Cozier, Joseph 'Reds' Perreira and many other cricket commentators who helped to make this game interesting for us.

NY-born twin friars die on same day at age 92 | AP Nation - The News Tribune

NY-born twin friars die on same day at age 92 | AP Nation - The News Tribune

I read this amazing story this morning!  Thought I would share it here!  I always remember that Janine and I sometimes said we wanted to die at the same time.  When we realized that it would not likely happen I would say I want to die first and Janine vice versa. However it did not go that way. Anyway the Lord knows best and she is at peace now. Of course one day we will meet again!

THE LIGHT THAT SHONE IN THE DARK

BY JUDY HAUGHTON-JAMES
     
      On Thursday, October 16, 2008, I seemed to have fallen into a deep dark hole. This was the day when my identical twin sister Janine died after a short battle with cancer.  I felt lost, confused and hopeless. Fear and doubt overcame me and several times I asked myself "Has this really happened?"  Sleepless nights prevented me from getting a break from the bullet speed questions which shot at me with each passing moment.


       I turned to my Christian faith and received immense support from relatives and friends.  One day while having a phone conversation with my cousin Lorna in New York she informed me that some literature on Twin Loss was on the way to Jamaica for me.


      I waited anxiously for it to arrive.  I can still remember the day when my brother brought home the parcel. I grabbed a pair of scissors and tore at the outer layers as a child would open a Christmas gift. A book titled 'Twin Loss' by Dr. Raymond William Brandt quickly caught my eye.  Immediately I started reading and was surprised to find out that he had also lost an identical twin.


      My head was literally buried in the book. I have never read a book so quickly.  It helped me to understand that I was not crazy following the death of my twin but was in fact experiencing what other twinless twins went through.  His comprehensive coverage of a variety of issues and advice were a godsend. This information could only come from a twinless twin.


      A light started flickering and I began my climb out of the deep dark hole.  However the light got brighter as Dr. Brandt suggested that as part of the healing process the twinless twin should start journaling. My twin and I were Freelance Writers and we wrote many articles together. For several months I felt my career was over and saw sheets of blank paper in front of me without having the energy to take up a pen. I took his advice and started writing again. I got an exercise book and in a short time it was full of material on a wide range of subjects which could be summed up with the heading 'WITH TWIN TO TWINLESS.'


     At first I did not consider his suggestion that I should also write poems.  Over the years I admired the works of several poets but as for writing poetry this was not in my league. Suddenly I decided to give it a try and one of the first poems I wrote was titled 'BEING TWINS.'  I shared it with some friends and relatives and they said I should try and have it published as it was good and perfectly described my life with Janine.


     I kept my essays and poems for awhile and as my state of mind got better I decided to start submitting work to publications. I have had a number of acceptances and feel worthwhile as I have been able to share them with others who are also having to cope with the stress of grief.


      Two years later I am happy that I have not only been able to write about the sad times following my loss but also the good times being one of identical twins. I am particularly pleased with an article titled 'TREASURED TWINSHIP MEMORIES' which was published in the Summer 2010 Digital Online Edition of the American publication TWINS Magazine.  It recounts the wonderful times I had for almost 47 years and encourages parents of twins to ensure that their twins enjoy their twinship so they too can have precious memories.


       I have definitely been through the darkest moment of my life but a light is now shining and I have found inner strength which I never thought I had. Thanks to the writing of Dr. Raymond Brandt I have not only emerged with important material to deal with my twinless state but my writing career has risen from what appeared to be ashes. Most instructive  is the fact that out of this adversity I can now pursue another genre of writing, that of writing poetry. Now I am a living example of this adversity quotation: - " It is through adversity that we become stronger, find new ways to achieve and come to know that through perseverance in the face of challenge we can accomplish anything."


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Last week Friday I joined Savvy 24 Seven which is a Social Network for Professionals. I thank Crystal Watts for inviting me to the group. My first post there was this article. I decided to share it here as it reveals a part of my experience since becoming a twinless twin.


                                                       

CALL MY TWIN'S NAME ANY TIME!

BY JUDY HAUGHTON-JAMES


      Over the years so many persons including relatives could not tell the difference between Janine and me. As a matter of fact only my immediate family and close friends were able to tell the difference.  Although my twin sister died on October 16, 2008, at times I am still called Janine.  This does not create a problem for me at all.


       I can never forget what happened on the day of her funeral. As is the case after many funerals, relatives and friends get together. As one of my cousins was leaving our home she said 'Okay then Janine, take care." I did not get flustered. It brought a smile to my face.  The thought even crossed my mind "Hey Janine!  We still have them confused!" 


      I also recall the chirpy call I got a few days after her funeral when a cousin said 'Hello Janine! How are you today?" This happens from time to time when I am talking with relatives and friends on the phone. Some have even made the mistake of writing cards and emails where they addressed me as "Dear Janine."  Again, this is not a problem for me!


       When some persons say Janine they act as if it is the biggest error they could ever make. I gladly assure them that all is well.  It seems as if they feel they may upset you if they call your departed twin's name.


         If you are not one of twins do not be surprised when a twinless twin mentions the name of his/her departed twin often. There is usually a level of closeness that you will never understand. Avoiding them or changing the subject is not going to go unnoticed. It will only add to the pain of the twinless twin.


        However let me say something very important to twinless twins. If you find that there are persons who do not want you to call your twin's name do not subject yourself to any added pain.  There are a number of avenues out there to talk about your twin and experiences with persons who are also on this journey.


     I could not end this post without saying how much I like the idea that most of us in the Twin Loss Yahoo Group sign our posts not only with our names but our twins' names. In my case I sign Judy twin to Janine. So anyone who calls me Janine, no need to apologise. She lives on through me and it is an honour that I keep her memory alive in every sense of the word.
       

A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS

BY JUDY HAUGHTON-JAMES


        So often we hear the statement "A picture is worth a thousand words."  This is so true. I am  happy that from my twin sister and I were very young my mother always took pictures of us. Since Janine's death Mom and I have arranged albums with pictures of her, the both of us as well as pictures of Janine with relatives and friends.  As an earlier post showed I even came across a new album which has become her special tribute album. I have shared some of these pictures here and plan to share even more in the future.


        Above are 3 pictures of Janine and me when we were rather young. I can't tell who is Judy and who is Janine in these pictures!:) My parents and brothers were always able to tell the difference. However now Mom and my brothers can't recall who is who in the above pictures. Anyway Janine was smaller than I was during our early years. She was always smiling so I am here thinking maybe she was the one with the smile. Nevertheless I often jokingly say to my mom "You are sure that I am not in fact Janine." 


        Of all our pictures as toddlers these are my favourites. Strangely enough, the one I like best is the one of us in pants. Now that is amazing, as Janine and I just never liked wearing pants over the years. As a matter of fact in our teenage years I think we only had pairs of black pants and navy blue pants and they were rarely worn.


       I have hundreds of pictures of Janine and myself. Surprisingly I found the strength to choose several of our pictures to place in the photograph section on her funeral programme. I guess I was in shock or denial then.  I say this, as after her funeral I could not look into the albums for some months as the pictures made me so sad. Thank God these days I can look through our many albums and  smile when I see pictures of her with a bright smile or a mischievous grin.





       

SUPPORT ESSENTIAL IN TIMES OF LOSS

BY JUDY HAUGHTON-JAMES


        Recently I joined the group Twinloss NZ on Facebook. It is a support group for those who have suffered the loss of one or more or all of their twins, triplets or more in a multiple birth from early pregnancy through to childhood and beyond including the loss of a twin sibling in adulthood. They also have a publication called 'Hearts & Wings.' Thanks to Rosemary Smart I have already read 2 issues of this publication. I must congratulate Rosemary and Jan Liddell on the excellent job they are doing. 


        I am very impressed with the mothers of twinless twins who are doing everything possible to help the surviving twin and themselves. Some of us who are twinless twins may not realize how much our parents are affected by the loss. Sadly in a number of instances the twinless twin has not received the necessary support from family and friends because they expect them to find their way into the 'MOVE ON CLUB' or 'GET OVER IT CLUB' at an unrealistic pace.


       I can't help being amazed when I hear stories of twinless twins being told the most unkind statements by friends. However the real shock for me is when their family members do likewise. I am truly grateful to my mom and 2 brothers for the support that they have given me since Janine's death. It is over 2 years and not one wrong or inconsiderate statement has been uttered by them. 

       I am here wondering if the parents and friends who have not shown the necessary understanding would do better if they had more contact with persons who were in a similar situation. This would help them to realize that what the twinless twin is experiencing is nothing strange and he/she is not crazy!  I am willing to give them the benefit of the doubt that they do not fully understand what it means to lose a twin and so they utter these statements. 


     Twins have a special bond that is formed from in the womb. It is called utero bonding. When one dies the surviving twin faces a difficult situation.  Singletons can't begin to know what this is like. Unkind statements only add to the pain that the twinless twin is experiencing and it will never be easy to forget the wrong things that were said.


       Luckily twinless twins have various groups on the internet where they can share their experiences. There are even twinless twin gatherings where they meet in person. Such occasions give the twinless twin an opportunity to meet with others who are on common ground. Based on what I have read from other twinless twins, you can even have fun at such gatherings.  


      If you wish to communicate with other twinless twins check the Twin Loss Yahoo Group, Twinless Twins group on Facebook, Twin Loss NZ on Facebook and The Twinless Twins group in the Experience Project. I am sure there are more groups out there and I would be happy to hear about them.  There are also those of us doing our part on our Blogs.


     I have been accustomed to having company for many years but I have managed to walk this path without being a bother to anyone. Nevertheless I must say that I have found good support from former schoolmates, many of whom I was never close to. I have linked up with them as well as persons who I do not know personally on Facebook. Furthermore I have had such amazing words of encouragement from persons at Writing.Com. I really can't complain. As the saying goes - "Gratitude is the best attitude."
        
       

OVER 65 YEARS OF FRIENDSHIP

DOROTHY SADLER PRATT

KATE LINDO HAUGHTON-JAMES

        Over 65 years ago when my mother Kate Lindo, a student at Westwood High School in Trelawny, Jamaica and Dorothy Sadler a freshman in high school in South Dakota, U.S.A. were given each other's names as part of an English assignment little did they know that it would lead to a long lasting friendship.


         On Monday, Dorothy departed this life and was laid to rest in Huron, South Dakota earlier today. Mom got married to Harry Haughton- James while Dorothy got married to Weldon Pratt.  Despite having to raise families among other responsibilities over the years they kept in touch exchanging letters, emails, cards, pictures and gifts. 


         We often hear the statement "Never give up on a dream" and this is so true.  The life long dream that they would meet some day became a reality in 2006.  Dorothy, her daughter Jane and son-in-law Orrin came to Jamaica and we met in the popular tourist resort of Ocho Rios. We had a good time chatting and laughing while we enjoyed the delicious Jamaican cuisine, tropical climate and breathtaking view of the waterfalls at the popular Ruins Restaurant. We even had the pleasure of meeting and chatting with the owner, Mr. Karl Hendrikson, who stopped by our table and spoke with us for awhile. Of course such an occasion could not pass without pictures. In an earlier post titled "THE JOYS OF PEN-PALLING" I have 2 pictures of that occasion.


        Dorothy is no longer physically here but the wonderful memories will live on forever.  My family and I look forward to keeping in touch with her daughter Jane and we know that Dorothy would be so happy about this.

        She is now in a better place and we will all meet again some day. I thank one of my Facebook friends and former Marymount High schoolmate Karen Kong Wilson for sharing this wonderful quotation by Dr. Seuss with me a few days ago - "Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened."


       In the meantime Mom and I will treasure all the pictures that she has received of Dorothy and her family and an article written by Crystal Pugsley in the Plainsman newspaper where Dorothy was interviewed about her meeting with my mom. 

AWESOME WORDS AT A TIME OF LOSS

BY JUDY HAUGHTON-JAMES


    In a previous post titled 'THE JOYS OF PEN-PALLING' I mentioned the wonderful meeting that my mom had with her American pen-pal Dorothy Pratt whom she corresponded with for over 60 years. I also included pictures of us all at The Ruins Restaurant in Ocho Rios, Jamaica. This morning we heard the sad news of Dorothy's death. I must say how much I admire the positive and uplifting spirit that her daughter Jane has at a time like this. It helps to lift my spirit as someone who has lost loved ones including a twin sister.


     As a writer I have had my say in poems and articles about ways of dealing with the death of a loved one but I have also come across some awesome poems and quotations that I have found most uplifting. I will share these from time to time.


     Today as my family and I think about Dorothy Pratt and her family I share these wonderful words that I got from Twin Loss NZ's publication 'HEARTS & WINGS'


"Do not stand at my grave and weep
           I am not there
           I do not sleep
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints of snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain
When you awaken in the morning hush
I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds circled in flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there, I did not die." 
                                                 Author Unknown


Dorothy Pratt's obituary can be seen at the following URL:- www.kuhlerfuneralhome.com

SPORTS FAN - A POEM

In my previous post I wrote about the struggle to regain my deep interest in sports since the death of my identical twin sister. Here is a poem that I wrote about my love for sports: -


SPORTS FAN
BY JUDY HAUGHTON-JAMES


I can tell you I am a real sports fan,
It is good when someone believes 'I Can.'
Set out steadfastly on a plan,
Never giving up until success is at hand.


Sometimes feeling the pangs of defeat,
Even coming under intense heat.
But oh, what joy as victory is sweet,
Accolades then come in a heap.


My favourites include athletics and football,
Then I am most enthralled.
Glued and ready to take in all,
When my side wins I have a ball.


I also like the bat and ball game of cricket,
Great to see a bowler on a bouncy wicket.
All celebrate as if they have a winning lotto ticket,
Spirits of supporters take an instant lift.


Sports is always a cause for celebration,
Players and crowds feel the exhilaration.
Supporters ready to give exhaltation,
As persons proudly represent a nation.

REGAINING MY INTEREST IN SPORTS

BY JUDY HAUGHTON-JAMES


       Janine and I have been big sports fans over the years with our favourites being athletics, football and cricket. We both would be glued to our television sets when these games were on. It has been a real struggle for me to regain the interest that I used to have as we were always watching these events together. Anyway I am working real hard at it and I know that Janine would want me to continue to enjoy these sports.


        So far the sport that I have managed to show the best level of interest in is athletics. No surprise really! We have some great Jamaican athletes - Usain Bolt, the world's fastest man, Asafa Powell, Shelly-Ann Fraser-Pryce, Veronica Campbell-Brown, Brigette Foster-Hylton, Kaliese Spencer, Melaine Walker, Kerron Stewart etc.  Believe me, with a line-up like this, once you are a big athletics fan, it is not too difficult to regain one's interest, especially when it comes on to the Olympics and World Games!


         Football comes next. I show some interest in local and international competitions and watched the last World Cup. I basically watched the key games. When Janine was around I watched many more games.


         Cricket has been the most difficult one for me. It demands sitting and watching a game for long hours and that still isn't easy. The fact that our West Indies team has not been doing very well in recent times has not really helped. Anyway the Twenty Twenty matches have been rather exciting so I have watched part of these games from time to time.  Yesterday The West Indies team seemed to be hinting to me to get back as they won their first test match since February 2009! This came after 17 matches.


         As I discuss sports, I remember that Janine and I were not  good at it during our high school days.  I can recall us playing these games during our Physical Education classes - volleyball, netball and softball. Did I say playing?!


        Our first cousin, Lister Haughton-James, was a very good coach at St.Mary High School with this school winning Girls, Boys and Eastern Champs a number of times. While we were students at Marymount High School some of the Physical Education teachers wondered if we were really related to him.  Ah well, we were not good at sports but were big sports fans over the years. In another post I will publish my poem titled 'SPORTS FAN.'  


         In the meantime I hope Lister gets to come to Jamaica this year so that I can do an interview of him for the St. Mary High School website. I already have a battery of questions supplied by Otis Sinclair, one of the founders of the site. Of course I will have a few of my own. I wonder if he can explain why Janine and I did not get this knack for athletics!:)