THE ROLLER COASTER RIDE OF BEING TWINLESS

When you lose your twin at times life feels like it is on a roller coaster ride. Some days are normal and  on other days you feel down and out. One minute you feel strong and you can deal with the loss, another minute the slightest thing makes you sad. A few days ago I joined the website for one of my former schools and I was trying to add Janine's name to the 'IN MEMORY' section which lists the year and the names of the persons who have died. I was having difficulty but thanks to one of the persons who runs the site, her name has been added. I went to the page this afternoon and on seeing her name beside 2008 with a red rose I felt so sad.  Luckily I had some work to do at Writing.Com that quickly occupied my time. Strangely enough on another day maybe I would feel stronger and not be so affected. Anyway as soon as I feel better I will send her picture and add some words beside her name but I can't manage it today.  That is what I call the roller coaster ride!  Well, let me lift my spirit and again remember the words that I saw yesterday "H.O.P.E. - HOLDING ON, PRAYING EARNESTLY!"

QUIET TIME

Well, I have a busy weekend ahead of me at Writing.Com as all of us in the WDC Power Review group do our Spring Review Raid.  We will concentrate on reviewing  items with a Nature/Environment theme.  Nevertheless I hope I can still find moments for quiet time.  I remember that for quite some time after Janine's death silence was something that I could not deal with!  Happily I have reached a stage when I can tolerate quiet time.

QUIET TIME

BY JUDY HAUGHTON-JAMES

Quiet time is essential for me,

You should try it and you will see.

Rejuvenates the mind, body and soul,

Gives you the spark to be bold.

It is a time to meditate,

To that I am sure everyone can relate.

My thoughts are deep and reflective

I look at things from a different perspective.

Ideas rush into my mind like a flowing river,

I reflect on the past and look to the future.

I surely have had my fair share of sorrow,

Nevertheless I hope for a brighter tomorrow.

WONDERFUL MEMORIES OF SCHOOL DAYS!

     On Tuesday I signed up on the website of one of my former high schools, St. Mary High. We certainly had some fun times during our school days and of course we had many of our schoolmates confused. The vast majority just settled for the name 'Twiney' as they could not tell the difference. Janine and I liked dressing alike so being in a country where you had to wear school uniforms created no problem for us.  Janine was usually the one who decided on the hair styles while I handled the money matters for school.  It was interesting how we divided various roles.
     Strangely enough so many persons still mistakenly call me Janine even though she passed away 2 years ago. It does not disturb me at all. It reminds me of the fun times we had.  Persons can call my twin's name as many times as they want to as I will never be able to stop talking about her. This bond formed in the womb is here to stay.
      Over the years Janine was always the one with the bright smile in pictures and I would say that she was more outgoing. Nevertheless without any effort on my part I tend to be more like her these days. I have heard other twinless twins state that they have also noticed this following the death of their twins. Members of my family have also pointed this out to me.
       The early months after Janine's death were particularly difficult. It is not easy facing a mirror which shows the exact image of your twin. Even when I heard my own voice it made me very sad as it sounded so much like Janine's voice. What was also quite challenging was when some thing happened and I was about to head to Janine to tell her only to realize that she was no longer around.
       It has been a difficult road to travel but if I had the chance to live again I would be happy to be Janine's twin again.

LIKE TWO PEAS IN A POD

LIKE TWO PEAS IN A POD
BY JUDY HAUGHTON-JAMES


Like two peas in a pod we were,
Very few could tell the difference for sure.
Delighted in the fact that God made us alike,
Amazing were our similar likes and dislikes.


Blue, red, green and pink were our favourite colours,
Roses have always been our favourite flowers.
Hobbies were listening to music, watching television and reading,
With number one spot taken by pen-palling.


Treasured our bird figurine collection,
That grew into a wide selection.
They came from north, south, east and west,
Yet dogs were always our pets.


If I had a chance to live my life again,
I would fear to face twinless pain.
Cancer a disease so gruesome
Has ended our happy twosome.

The Twins - Clearly Impossible

I AM A BIG FAN OF GREAT QUOTATIONS!

I am always happy to see  quotations that lift my spirit daily. I have found the Daily Quotations sent out by Jonathan Lockwood Huie to be particularly helpful and I use them for my Facebook Status from time to time.  This morning I received a wonderful one by Ryunosuke Satoro:- "Individually we are one drop, Together we are an ocean." Since I lost my twin I have found support from others and I am thankful to the Twin Loss Yahoo Group, The Path Twins Take and The Twinless Twins Group on Facebook for the opportunity to link with other twinless twins. I am also happy that another twinless twin Angela has started a Blog here titled 'ENJY'S PLACE.'  Angela is an early loss twin while I am a late loss twin but I have learnt so much about the strong bond of twinship from those who lost a twin early. We are on the same journey and together we can ease the pain. By the way, last night I joined the Experience Project and even posted an article in the Twinless Twins Group. I hope to learn more about this group as time passes.

SPECIAL THOUGHTS FOR BRENDA TWIN TO LINDA TODAY - APRIL 9.

        Today is the third anniversary of the death of Linda twin to Brenda. I know what a day like this means. Those of us who have lost a twin can fully understand.  Nevertheless we try our best to deal with it as time passes. I wish Brenda a peaceful day as she goes to Muskogee and enjoy the flowers blooming in Honor Heights Park. I find peace amidst nature. Over the years Janine and I liked flowers with roses being our favourites.
       I linked up with Brenda on the Twin Loss Yahoo group and she has been such a good friend sending me uplifting emails regularly and a wonderful book titled 'HEALING GRIEF' by James Van Praagh.  It is amazing how at times we have not met someone personally but he/she has been really genuine and helpful during challenging times.  As I think of having peace of mind I share this poem that I wrote titled 'PEACE OF MIND.'




PEACE OF MIND
BY JUDY HAUGHTON-JAMES


In our lives we come across moments of stress,
We often wonder how we will put our minds to rest.
In everything try your very best,
Make sure you are not the cause of any distress.


Let no one disturb your peace of mind,
Endeavour at all times to be kind.
Relax your mind and unwind,
You have to be strong in this time.


See setbacks as lessons to be learnt,
You will meet them as long as you are on earth.
Life is filled with challenges to overcome,
Have faith and your journey has begun.


I regard each day as a gift,
Always trusting in God to give me that lift.
I look forward to a brighter day,
And live in hope all the way.

TWIN BROTHERS DIE AT 92

BY JUDY HAUGHTON-JAMES


      I have just read an amazing report shared by another twinless twin Angela from Germany. It was about 92 year old twin brothers from Brazil who died a few hours apart.  They have always been together and one had to go to a hospital far away. He died there and a few hours later his twin also passed away.  I think it would have been very difficult if one of them was left.
       This story brought to mind the times when Janine and I would discuss what would happen if one of us died first. We thought it would be great if we both died at the same time or I would say that I wanted to die first and vice versa.
      Since Janine's death, I have heard of the case of twins dying at the same time and it was always under rather tragic circumstances such as an accident, fire etc. Recently in my homeland, Jamaica, there was the sad case of young twin girls dying in a fire. That made me realize that this isn't the best thing to think.
      I give God thanks for the almost 47 years Janine and I were together. We did not die at the same time but at least I know the day will come when we meet again. Two years ago I never thought I could write a poem but tried the one below shortly after Janine's death.
                 JUD AND JAN
Jud and Jan from one came into the world as twins,
What a wonderful 47 years it has been,
We will never allow our twinship to dim.
We give glory to God who gave each of us a special friend,
One guaranteed right to the very end.


Together again we will unite,
Oh, that day will be bright.
Wow! What a wonderful sight!
Jud and Jan that is God's plan,
Greater than any coined by man!


     As I copy this poem from my journal  I realize that then I was still saying "WE!"

THE IMPACT OF RAIN

We have been getting quite a bit of rain recently and it brings to mind the impact of rain shortly after my twin sister's death. Here I share a poem that I wrote during that time.




RAIN
BY JUDY HAUGHTON-JAMES


There is something about rain,
I just can't explain.
Makes me feel calm,
It is like a balm.


I don't like being out in the rain,
I prefer to watch it fall on my window-pane.
I also like to hear the pitter patter
Water everywhere making a splatter.


I wish it could drown my sorrow,
And make me see a brighter tomorrow.
I am longing to see a rainbow
When colours in the sky put on a show.

TWIN BOYS CONVERSATION

BY JUDY HAUGHTON-JAMES

Last night I watched the very funny TWIN BOYS CONVERSATION video that has become  a sensation on the internet. I was really fascinated by it.  I can remember how at times Janine and I used to utter statements in unison or even finish each other's sentences. Equally amazing was the fact that sometimes I would rush to tell her something and she was about to say the same thing to me.  Twins have a very special bond that started in the womb. Dr. Raymond William Brandt in his book 'TWIN LOSS' referred to it as utero bonding. Right now I am thinking about something that happened last night. I was getting off of my bed and I said "I am going across to the bathroom."  I wondered how I made this statement as if I was saying this to Janine. The twin bond lives on even after death. As the statement goes " Once a twin, always a twin."