FATHER

BY JUDY HAUGHTON-JAMES

Sunday June 19 will be celebrated as Father's Day. From today until Sunday I will post tributes to my father. I will always remember his dedication to service.



Faithful and devoted public servant


Always helpful and caring to his fellowman


There to serve without thought of compensation


Happy, jovial and often with a smile


Eagerly giving service to his country


Ready, willing and able to stand up for a cause.

AWESOME POEM FOR THE GRIEVING

My brother attended a funeral on Sunday and I have just seen the funeral programme with this awesome poem at the back of it. I did some research and found out that it was written by British Poet and Painter David Harkins:

      "You can shed tears that she is gone

        Or you can smile because she has lived.

        You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back

        Or you can open your eyes and see all that she has left.

        Your heart can be empty because you can't see her

        Or you can be full of the love that you shared.

        You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday

        Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

           

        You can remember her and only that she is gone

        Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

        You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back,

        Or you can do what she would want:smile, open your eyes, love and go on."

LAUGHTER IS GOOD MEDICINE

BY JUDY HAUGHTON-JAMES

       We have often heard the saying "Laughter is the best medicine." Recently I read that research has shown that 1 minute of laughter boosts your immune system for 24 hours while 1 minute of anger depresses your system for the next 6 hours.  Nevertheless all of us who have experienced the loss of a loved one know the emotions we go through and how difficult it is to smile and laugh when we are going through the grieving process.

       When the day comes that you discover that you can smile and laugh again then you know that you are healing no matter how slowly.

       A few days ago I had to laugh when a friend sent me an email message titled "Courtroom Humour." This is a lawyer questioning a witness:-

            Q. How old is he?
            A. John is ...
            Q. You said he is Joan's twin, right?
            A. Right
            Q. So the same age as her?
            A. Right.

           Now you tell me! If they are twins they must be the same age! Well! Well!
         

SWEPT BY THE SOCIAL MEDIA WAVE!

      When I got connected to the internet a few months after my twin's death in October 2008 little did I know that I would have been swept up by the wave of the social media. First it was Facebook. Now I have joined Twitter, LinkedIn and Savvy 24 Seven. Add the twinless twins and twin loss groups and I can say that I have been truly blessed to link up with some wonderful persons who have become good friends on this healing journey. As the saying goes "Friends are God's way of taking care of us." I dedicate this poem to all my friends:


A TRUE FRIEND
BY JUDY  HAUGHTON-JAMES


There is nothing better than a true friend,
Someone on whom you can always depend.
In times of sadness a godsend,
No misunderstanding that you cannot mend.


There for you when there is the thrill of good times,
Uttering positive words that sound like chimes.
Happy to know there is something to celebrate,
When everything in your world is going great.


Never short of words of encouragement,
Happy to see your dream's fulfilment.
Never too busy to help you cope,
Especially when you desperately need words of hope.


Standing with you through thick and thin,
Especially when your life seems to be in a spin.
Remembers you whether you are near or far,
Not even the wide blue sea stands as a bar.

Worcester Telegram & Gazette - telegram.com - Twin sister mourns slaying victim

Worcester Telegram & Gazette - telegram.com - Twin sister mourns slaying victim

I just got this article in my inbox from one of my friends. It is so sad to see another person become a twinless twin under these circumstances. I pray that her twin sister, relatives and friends will be comforted. 

THE CLIMB OUT OF LIFE'S VALLEY

BY JUDY HAUGHTON-JAMES

Life sometimes throws us into a deep valley,
And we wonder if our spirits can ever rally.
As we climb at times we may slip and slide,
With the way out seeming far and wide.
Don't give into the feeling to throw in the towel,
We must dig ourselves out with the force of a shovel.

On rough days I repeat my favourite Psalm 23,
It lifts my heavy load and makes me feel free.
My departed twin would not want my life to be in a spin,
So I battle on doing all that is necessary to win.
Yes! There is no doubt that overcome I must,
As in the Heavenly Father I put all my trust.

OUR INTEREST IN SPORTS

BY JUDY HAUGHTON-JAMES
        
        This month I will interview a former coach of one of my high schools for the school's website. This has made me reflect on the interest that Janine and I had in sports over the years.  While we showed some interest during our younger years I would not say that when we got dressed in our blue uniforms we enthusiastically rushed to Physical Education classes. Nevertheless we had fun as we attempted to play netball, softball and volleyball. Note carefully the word attempted! 



        At our first high school, Marymount High, Sports Day was a big moment when we would all dress up in the colours of our Houses and cheer and sing songs. That was the day when students had help in telling the difference between us. I used red ribbons in my hair to show that I was a Josephite while Janine had brown ribbons showing her support for the Franciscan House.


        As time progressed our interest in a variety of sports increased. However it was the comprehensive course that we pursued with the London School of Journalism that really got us showing  more interest in games like cricket and football. When it was time to study Sports Journalism we faced it with some amount of apprehension but we boldly forged ahead determined to succeed.


        Talk about bravery! We decided to write a ball by ball commentary on cricket. Now that was really something!  Normally we would turn off any radio station covering cricket and complained when we wanted to hear our favourite music programmes. At that time we did not have many radio stations in Jamaica so the choice was rather limited. 


      We wanted to do well so we started listening keenly to cricket coverage. Our interest peaked as this was the heyday of West Indies cricket with players like Michael Holding, Colin Croft, Joel Garner, Malcolm Marshall, Andy Roberts, Viv Richards, Clive Lloyd and many more. Having gotten a gist of the coverage we each sat down and wrote our own assignments. It wasn't that difficult after all and our tutors commended us.


      Slowly but surely our interest in this game increased and we actually became big fans especially of the shorter versions - 50 overs and Twenty Twenty matches. With each 4 or 6 hit by a West Indian batsman we cheered and oh what a sight it was when one of our fast bowlers knocked back the stumps of an opponent. If the wickets came in quick succession the excitement reached fever pitch!  Watching a game live on television or listening to it on the radio was good so I must express thanks to Tony Cozier, Joseph 'Reds' Perreira and many other cricket commentators who helped to make this game interesting for us.

NY-born twin friars die on same day at age 92 | AP Nation - The News Tribune

NY-born twin friars die on same day at age 92 | AP Nation - The News Tribune

I read this amazing story this morning!  Thought I would share it here!  I always remember that Janine and I sometimes said we wanted to die at the same time.  When we realized that it would not likely happen I would say I want to die first and Janine vice versa. However it did not go that way. Anyway the Lord knows best and she is at peace now. Of course one day we will meet again!

THE LIGHT THAT SHONE IN THE DARK

BY JUDY HAUGHTON-JAMES
     
      On Thursday, October 16, 2008, I seemed to have fallen into a deep dark hole. This was the day when my identical twin sister Janine died after a short battle with cancer.  I felt lost, confused and hopeless. Fear and doubt overcame me and several times I asked myself "Has this really happened?"  Sleepless nights prevented me from getting a break from the bullet speed questions which shot at me with each passing moment.


       I turned to my Christian faith and received immense support from relatives and friends.  One day while having a phone conversation with my cousin Lorna in New York she informed me that some literature on Twin Loss was on the way to Jamaica for me.


      I waited anxiously for it to arrive.  I can still remember the day when my brother brought home the parcel. I grabbed a pair of scissors and tore at the outer layers as a child would open a Christmas gift. A book titled 'Twin Loss' by Dr. Raymond William Brandt quickly caught my eye.  Immediately I started reading and was surprised to find out that he had also lost an identical twin.


      My head was literally buried in the book. I have never read a book so quickly.  It helped me to understand that I was not crazy following the death of my twin but was in fact experiencing what other twinless twins went through.  His comprehensive coverage of a variety of issues and advice were a godsend. This information could only come from a twinless twin.


      A light started flickering and I began my climb out of the deep dark hole.  However the light got brighter as Dr. Brandt suggested that as part of the healing process the twinless twin should start journaling. My twin and I were Freelance Writers and we wrote many articles together. For several months I felt my career was over and saw sheets of blank paper in front of me without having the energy to take up a pen. I took his advice and started writing again. I got an exercise book and in a short time it was full of material on a wide range of subjects which could be summed up with the heading 'WITH TWIN TO TWINLESS.'


     At first I did not consider his suggestion that I should also write poems.  Over the years I admired the works of several poets but as for writing poetry this was not in my league. Suddenly I decided to give it a try and one of the first poems I wrote was titled 'BEING TWINS.'  I shared it with some friends and relatives and they said I should try and have it published as it was good and perfectly described my life with Janine.


     I kept my essays and poems for awhile and as my state of mind got better I decided to start submitting work to publications. I have had a number of acceptances and feel worthwhile as I have been able to share them with others who are also having to cope with the stress of grief.


      Two years later I am happy that I have not only been able to write about the sad times following my loss but also the good times being one of identical twins. I am particularly pleased with an article titled 'TREASURED TWINSHIP MEMORIES' which was published in the Summer 2010 Digital Online Edition of the American publication TWINS Magazine.  It recounts the wonderful times I had for almost 47 years and encourages parents of twins to ensure that their twins enjoy their twinship so they too can have precious memories.


       I have definitely been through the darkest moment of my life but a light is now shining and I have found inner strength which I never thought I had. Thanks to the writing of Dr. Raymond Brandt I have not only emerged with important material to deal with my twinless state but my writing career has risen from what appeared to be ashes. Most instructive  is the fact that out of this adversity I can now pursue another genre of writing, that of writing poetry. Now I am a living example of this adversity quotation: - " It is through adversity that we become stronger, find new ways to achieve and come to know that through perseverance in the face of challenge we can accomplish anything."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last week Friday I joined Savvy 24 Seven which is a Social Network for Professionals. I thank Crystal Watts for inviting me to the group. My first post there was this article. I decided to share it here as it reveals a part of my experience since becoming a twinless twin.


                                                       

CALL MY TWIN'S NAME ANY TIME!

BY JUDY HAUGHTON-JAMES


      Over the years so many persons including relatives could not tell the difference between Janine and me. As a matter of fact only my immediate family and close friends were able to tell the difference.  Although my twin sister died on October 16, 2008, at times I am still called Janine.  This does not create a problem for me at all.


       I can never forget what happened on the day of her funeral. As is the case after many funerals, relatives and friends get together. As one of my cousins was leaving our home she said 'Okay then Janine, take care." I did not get flustered. It brought a smile to my face.  The thought even crossed my mind "Hey Janine!  We still have them confused!" 


      I also recall the chirpy call I got a few days after her funeral when a cousin said 'Hello Janine! How are you today?" This happens from time to time when I am talking with relatives and friends on the phone. Some have even made the mistake of writing cards and emails where they addressed me as "Dear Janine."  Again, this is not a problem for me!


       When some persons say Janine they act as if it is the biggest error they could ever make. I gladly assure them that all is well.  It seems as if they feel they may upset you if they call your departed twin's name.


         If you are not one of twins do not be surprised when a twinless twin mentions the name of his/her departed twin often. There is usually a level of closeness that you will never understand. Avoiding them or changing the subject is not going to go unnoticed. It will only add to the pain of the twinless twin.


        However let me say something very important to twinless twins. If you find that there are persons who do not want you to call your twin's name do not subject yourself to any added pain.  There are a number of avenues out there to talk about your twin and experiences with persons who are also on this journey.


     I could not end this post without saying how much I like the idea that most of us in the Twin Loss Yahoo Group sign our posts not only with our names but our twins' names. In my case I sign Judy twin to Janine. So anyone who calls me Janine, no need to apologise. She lives on through me and it is an honour that I keep her memory alive in every sense of the word.